Preposterous Ponderings

From today's paper

2010-03-09T18:42:00.000-08:00

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

That's one of those questions I liken to a dog chasing it's tail... Or like that 'Lambchop' tune, 'This is the song that never ends"

Marriage Advice.... Really?

2010-02-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

How is it?
Why is it?

Alec Baldwin is on a show giving marriage advice?

Didn't he go through one of the nastiest divorces in Hollywood?

Thanks Alec, but I'll pass, I think you're a douche.

Baby it's cold outside...

2010-01-06T09:52:00.000-08:00

You know it's cold when you think twice about shaving your legs and underarms because of the insulation that extra hair just might be providing.

Dontcha' Hate It...

2009-12-22T08:56:00.000-08:00

When you're trying to peel the price tag off of an item and despite your futile attempts at digging and picking the only part that remains is the portion with the price written on it?

Closing Forever?

2009-11-15T19:42:00.000-08:00

Here's a Challenge....

See if you can locate a Oriental Rug Store that ISN'T Going Out of Business.

Dressed to impress?

2009-11-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

How come Mickey wears shorts without a shirt (And what's with the gloves, is he some kind of germaphobe?)...
And Donald gets a shirt but NO pants? What's that about? No wonder he's pissed!

Looking in the wrong direction

2009-10-03T12:11:00.000-07:00

When I beep the horn 'politely' at the person sitting in front of me at a light, who doesn't seem to notice said light has changed to green... Why, I'd like to ask, does the person in front of me, first look in their rear view mirror at me BEFORE they step on the damn gas and get a move on?

A Major Annoyance

2009-08-27T07:54:00.001-07:00

Have you ever noticed that the most insufferable people are those who display the character traits you most dislike about yourself?

Rude Awakening

2009-07-17T11:23:00.000-07:00

Me: *peacefully drifting in and out of early morning sleep.*

Husband: "Hey."

Me: *eyes flutter open*

Husband: "Hey, you awake?"

Me: "Huh, wha?"

Husband: "The dog threw up on the carpet (light beige), I cleaned it up but there's a big stain (dark brown), you wanna take care of that?"

AAaaannnnnnd cue the start of my day.

Slacker?

2009-07-07T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to delve into any deep religious issues here but I wanted to take a moment to point out the bumper sticker I saw today:

So am I to understand that it's important to 'LOOK BUSY' ie. give the appearance like you've BEEN doing the Lord's work, when in reality you've spent the better part of your life as a slack-ass... But NOW... Oh hey, looky there... Jesus just pulled up and he's gettin' ready to walk in the office and BOY is he going to be pissed when he finds you with your feet up on the desk, texting your BFF and taking extended coffee breaks, even though that 'Sacred Blessings' account is due tomorrow.

Here's an idea! How 'bout you do the job you're supposed to do, whether or not some all powerful entity is looking over your shoulder?

This Sure As Hell Ain't New York City or Milan Dahling

2009-07-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

Woman spotted in town today wearing:

A Mullet hair-style pulled into a ponytail.
Oversize cut-off shorts.
Spongebob t-shirt.

Now that's class... Mid-Atlantic style.

Word Play

2009-06-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

If you're the type who needs a cup of coffee to get moving each morning do you think that means your in for a .... Brewed Awakening?

Awesome Flame Shooting Mini-Van?

2009-06-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

Or just some fancy sidewalk chalk artwork?
Thanks, Nature Girl... You make a Mom Van seem so cool!
Call me 'Ghost Rider'

Sassy Low Carb Treat

2009-06-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

I buy the cheap store brand of low fat yogurt, in order to maintain a daily low carb count.

When I pry open the foil lid, every... single... time... the container spits yogurt on me.

I think it's the yogurts way of saying, "HA! Screw you... YOU have to eat yogurt!"

Misrepresentation*

2009-05-19T05:32:00.000-07:00

*sorry guys, this one's for the girls.

I don't know why they call it a 'Hot Flash?' It's more like a slow building molten heat that radiates out from your very core.

A better term might be:

Hellfire Dance

or:

Lava Pop

or:

Bonfire Boil

or my personal favorite:

Everyone and Everything get the hell away from me, I'm gonna BLOW!

USPS - Giving you a little bit more

2009-05-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

Postal rate went up again... Hooray!

The following is a list of stamps I currently have on hand:
1 - 1 cent
2 - 20 cent
16 - 39 cent
56 - 42 cent
7 - Forever stamps

In the past week I've used just about EVERY combination of stamps you can imagine.
1-42 + 2-1's (until I ran out of all the 1's except for that last one.)
2-39's (until I found that sleeve of 20's)
2-42's (until I found that roll of 39's)
1-39 + 1-20

I've used EVERYTHING BUT the Forever stamps... Because you know, they're gonna be good FOREVER!
And here's another thought... How come computer keyboards don't have a 'cents' symbol?

Ode to the Avocado

2009-05-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

Avocado, Oh!
Oh Avocado, Oh!
Oh, how I love your glorious green deliciousness.
I'm especially fond of you mashed with seasoning and served up on a tortilla chip!
Oh Guacamole, Oh!
But I'd better eat it all up in one sitting, or I'm left with a dreadful black mess.
Eww Avocado, Ewwwwwww!

Which house is yours?

2009-05-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, my house?
I'm sorry to say it's the 'poor white trash' looking one...
You know, the one with the grass up to your knees?
Hey, don't blame me, it hasn't stopped raining long enough for it to become even remotely dry enough to mow.

Mow it anyway, you say?
Yesterday I read the following:

"You never want to mow wet grass the blades will pull instead of cutting. This will cause a fungus in certain grass species which will be very costly not to mention running the risk of the whole lawn dying as the fungus spreads."

Gee thanks, mikeyandworm @ Yahoo Answers

This place is starting to look like the Boo Radley house.... Freakin' RAIN!

I wonder if they sell Holy Water?

2009-04-20T17:43:00.000-07:00

So let's say you live in California, and you're thirsty. Rather than investing in a water purification system for your home or a water purifier pitcher for your fridge... You do what any good Californian (who enjoys burning time and gas) does... You head down to the -

That's right, I kid you not... A store dedicated to selling -

For those of you who didn't take a foreign language in high school, that's Water.

It's purified AND it's ONLY 25 cents a gallon... Such a DEAL!

Hard to believe, but business was Booming!

Sorry, but we didn't get a chance to photograph the 'Mobile Airbrush Tanning Unit'... You know, for all your tanning Emergencies!!! Because apparently, if you live in Southern California and you DON'T have a tan? You, my friend, are a social pariah, which means you might as well wear a giant sign emblazoned with the word FAIL!

So you'll forget about the price of gas?

2009-04-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

While pumping gas in Southern California we came across this:

A gas pump with a television!

When you insert the nozzle into your gas tank the t.v. powers up and a friendly gentleman says, "Welcome to Shell, thanks for stopping in." Then the local weather appears on the screen (pictured) and then snippets of 'The Biggest Loser' and 'The Tonight Show' with Jay Leno (the one with Obama... Reruns, figures.) Once the nozzle shuts off, the friendly Shell employee comes back up on the screen and says, "Thanks for choosing Shell and have a nice day."

Um, Okay?

At The Bookstore

2009-04-04T17:41:00.000-07:00

Husband and Sister-in-law are searching for a book:

Husband: "Where do you think it might be?"

Sister-in-law: "I think we'd find it in the Self-Help section."

Husband: "And where is that located?"

Sister-in-law: *looking around* "I'm not really sure."

Helpful Stranger who overheard conversation: "Oh um, the Self-Help Section is right over there."

Sister-in-law: *glibly replies to stranger* "I'm sorry but, what part of Self-Help don't you understand?"

This Blog

2009-04-02T14:48:00.000-07:00

It's a lot like the sound of one hand clapping.

Share what you know

2009-02-18T17:56:00.000-08:00

That whole hair in the bathroom soap thing prompted my son to show me this, so I thought I'd share it with you:

Disgusting Chores*

2009-02-18T12:26:00.000-08:00

*aside from the obvious, which includes things like scouring out toilets.

Plucking my husbands hairs out of the bar of soap in the shower, before I wash my face.

Skinning raw chicken.

Removing the buildup of dog hair magnetized to the bottom of the legs on the kitchen chairs.

Removing wet hairy debris from the washing machines lint trap.

Applying warm compresses to the dogs butt that time she had the inflamed anal gland problem.

Note: It's fairly predictable that most of the chores I find disgusting involve the removal of hair.

Vacation Day

2008-11-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

Husbands way of informing his fellow employees (by e-mail) he would be out of the office today...

"Twenty-five years ago today I was in Newhall, California having rice thrown at me. I'm celebrating by taking the day off to remember it with my wife."

Pearls of Wisdom

2008-10-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

From a single grain of sand an oyster may create a pearl.

Yeah, but you can bet if the oyster had the means to bitch about how incredibly irritating that grain of sand is, it sure as hell would let you know.

Tinted & Tainted

2008-10-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

I don't trust people who drive cars with all the windows tinted black.
They always leave me wondering... What exactly, are they trying to hide?

Weight Control

2008-10-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

Not that this is really true, but a friend sent me this and I thought it was funny...

I signed up for an excercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing I wouldn't of signed up for the class in the first place.

Conversation in a gift shop

2008-09-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

Sister-in-law: (Regarding a conversation we were having) "I can't tell you how much that disturbs me."

Me: (Walking through the store I notice a little sign that has one word on it and that word is 'Disturbed') "Well then here you go Pat. You should wear this." *handing her the sign*

Sister-in-law: "So what are you saying EXACTLY?"

Me: "Um, you JUST said you were DISTURBED!"

Sister-in-law: "Can you believe it Mom? Margie said I should wear this sign." *holds up 'Disturbed' sign*

Me: "No I didn't!"

Mother-in-law: "Margie, that wasn't very nice."

Personally, I think this whole family needs a sign.

Bitter Disappointment...

2008-08-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

When he overheard the announcer say, "Next up, Women's Olympic Trampoline Competition" he was wide awake in an instant. Once he realized all the competitors were gymnasts with the build of a 12 yr. old girl, he became completely uninterested.

Honey, I'm watching The Olympics... Not 'The Man Show.'

From The 'Do You Think We're Stupid' File:

2008-08-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

Dear McDonalds,

Do you really think we consumers actually buy into the fact that our perfectly conditioned Olympic Athletes are eating those disgusting looking Chicken Sandwiches on a biscuit each morning before they compete?

C'mon, the Americans don't even have a Sumo Wrestling team.

Goggley Eyes

2008-08-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

Wanna cheap laugh? Tune into the Olympics Swimming Competitions and watch the swimmers as they prepare for a race. I swear there are few things more amusing than the faces the swimmers makes while adjusting their goggles.

Just watch... you'll know what I'm talkin' about.

And then our very Catholic Aunt gave us the evil eye...

2008-08-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

We're not very religious... Okay, I once was but after being brought up in a household filled with feigned piousness and blatant hypocrisy, I decided to worship the God I believed in, in my own personal and private way.

Then we had kids and while our kids asked questions every now and again, they never asked to learn more through attending church... any church... ever.

So roughly 8 yrs. ago when we attended the Catholic wedding of our cousin, we shouldn't have been surprised when our daughter walked into the church and upon seeing the 9 ft. tall wooden crucifix hanging at the front of the church she turned to us and said, "What's with the creepy looking guy on the giant 'T'?"

Our daughter learned about Jesus during the car ride on the way to the reception.

My husbands aunt continues to pray for all our souls.

Hotter than....

2008-08-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

Cousin: "I don't believe I've ever been in an Episcopal Church that didn't have air conditioning."

My Daughter: "Um yeah, it seemed a lot closer to Hell in there than any place else."

Playing God

2008-07-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I crushed an ant on my kitchen counter and a few moments later saved a lady bug that had fallen into my kitchen sink.

I feel terrible.

Differentiation

2008-07-21T15:35:00.001-07:00

Are there clothes made exclusively for the rich that take into account shape & style, so the rich always look fabulous?

If this is true...

The clothes made for the poor must be made purely to help differentiate the poor from the rich. These items I'll refer to as 'Crap-Rags' feature no special nips or tucks, no fine fabrics and no figure flattering lines. I view this as a conspiracy in order to insure the poor might NEVER be confused with the rich.

Crap-Rags, thy name is Kohl's!

Driving Me Crazy!

2008-07-16T09:43:00.001-07:00

After spending the majority of my weekend driving in New Jersey, I was Surprised, Awestruck and Grateful when after I put my blinker on for a lane change today, the driver in the lane beside actually slowed down to let me over.

Observations

2008-07-09T06:17:00.000-07:00

Something you don't see every day:
3 skinny, totally hot chicks at Dunkin' Donuts

Something you might see every day:
2 heavy set women sitting together, one of them wearing a 'Curves' t-shirt at Dunkin' Donuts

Would you like a bag for that?

2008-07-08T06:21:00.001-07:00

Scene at the grocery store:

Checker: *scans my giant box of 85 plastic trash bags*
"Uh, would you like a bag for your box of bags?"

Me: "No thanks, I think that would be redundant."

Did You Mean Alzheimer's Disease?

2008-06-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

Recalling to my daughter the details of a book we'd read together a while back she said, "Wow mom, I forget all that... See, you don't have 'Old Timers Disease'."

Oxymoron

2008-05-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

Little Black Dress - Size 24

Note to Self -

2008-05-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

Never eat 'Chicken on Stick' from a street vendor... EVER AGAIN!!!

Whatta' Mother!

2008-05-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

All this talk about 'Saving the Earth'... Perhaps we should consider how to save ourselves from the earth because lately Mother Earth seems a lot like an angry bitch on a prolonged bender... What do you think?

China (Sichuan Province) Earthquake:

Myanmar Cyclone:

Hawaii Volcano National Park - Renewed powerful volcanic activity:

New Orleans - Hurricane Katrina:

Yeah, she's pissed alright!

'Nuff Said

2008-05-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

*Shot this pic on the way home from a graduation party in Northern Virginia.
It pretty much illustrates itself.

This Little Light of Mine...

2008-05-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

The 'Check Engine' light in my van lit up this weekend.

Today I took it to be serviced. I announced to the attendant that the 'Money' light came on.
"The money light?" he said.
"Yes" I replied, "But I believe you folks refer to it as the 'Check Engine' light."
He laughed.

They just called to inform me that the van needed $600 worth of parts and service.

Why don't they name dashboard lights more accordingly?

Paying More... Getting Less!

2008-05-03T06:02:00.001-07:00

The photo above depicts a bar of soap, freshly out of the box, missing... Oh, what would you say?... Roughly a 1/4 of the bar? Why would I take a picture of it? Because this bar of soap is the third out of a 3 bar package that's missing such a large degree of what I paid for.

I think I'm going to send this photograph to the makers of 'Irish Spring' ie. Colgate/Palmolive Company and ask them WTF? Because even though we're talking about pennies here, I certainly don't feel I got what I paid for.

3 BARS!... 3 Freakin' BARS!!!

Wait, here's another shot...

Foreshadowing?

2008-04-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

I did a double take when I read this in the paper Today - April 14, 2008...

Now I'm all for careful preparation AND being a complete control freak, maybe there's some sense to the idea, but c'mon? Letting everyone know you're going to die in 2 days time seems a little extreme... And what if you don't end up following through? Oh the pressure of having to get all your shit together before leaving this life in a mere 48 hrs. or so.

California Dreamin'

2008-03-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days when I can't help but think about California and the gorgeous day I spent with my sister 2 yrs. ago... We're planning a trip out there in June and frankly, it just can't get here soon enough.

The Laguna Coastline... Ahhh, beautiful!

And the flowers... All the gorgeous flowers...

If I close my eyes I can smell 'em and imagine I'm there.

Almost, but can never compare to being there.

Mighty Chicken!

2008-02-29T11:01:00.000-08:00

Who do you suppose would win in battle... General Tso or Colonel Sanders?

A Contribution by Atlanta Rose...

2008-02-11T07:23:00.000-08:00

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's true warmth.

Why you walkin' so funny?

2008-01-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

You know when you're walkin' along... You're in a public place... Surrounded by people... And you suddenly experience a sharp pain... A pain strong enough to bring tears to the corner of your eyes... And you come to the realization that somehow, some way a stray hair.... Uh, Down There... moved itself into a position that with each step you take it feels like it's being held by a pair of tweezers yet just won't break loose of the very tender spot by which it's attached?

So you know how you try to adjust your stride, so the hair might also readjust itself and therefore relieve you of such searing pain?... But then you realize that now you're walking like a cowboy after a long ride across the prairie... And you KNOW you're not a cowboy and the other people around you with their brows knitted in wonder at your rather odd gait, are also, most likely aware, you're NOT a cowboy.

Then, you know how you realize you're probably making a bigger spectacle of yourself with the walking thing, than you would if you just reached down and made a quick adjustment?... But you're continually surrounded by all these people at the grocery store and no matter WHAT, you've got to make a move because the discomfort is building to a level much stronger than the embarrassment you may endure if you don't go for the readjustment SOON! So with a quick glance around and a prayer that everyone is more interested in their bread selection you reach down in one quick motion and make an adjustment.

So.... Did I mention I went grocery shopping today?

Embarrassing Situation #211

2008-01-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

Getting a major charlie horse in your leg, just as the doctor asks you to put your feet in the stirrups for your pelvic exam.

Stuffing!

2008-01-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

Putting a Christmas Tree back into its original box is much like trying to put a fat girl into a size 6 pair of pants... (No wonder most of the lights don't work anymore.)

It's All In The Packaging...

2007-12-30T06:38:00.000-08:00

For Christmas I got my arthritic Mother-in-law this handy gadget to open those cursed heavy plastic packages... You know the ones? They mangle your scissors and leave shards of plastic the likes of which you could use to cut diamonds.

Dual Bladed EZ Clam Shell Opener

Plastic packaging has revolutionized the retail industry and these packages are everywhere. Now a revolutionary tool design is helping consumers catch up! The Dual Bladed EZ Clam Shell Opener makes opening those plastic packages safe and easy. But it also works great at opening a variety of other items! Great for: FedEx envelopes, shipping boxes, detergent boxes, pet food bags, padded envelopes, Jiffy packs, snack pouches and more! This is a smart tool for the home or office.

Wouldn't you know that the damn thing comes encased in a hard plastic, shrink wrapped case of its very own... WTF?

Where To Put It All?

2007-12-28T10:14:00.000-08:00

I love me some presents but once the glow of all the gift giving has subsided I'm left with the task of finding a place to put all the new Stuff!

Compound that by 4 people and that's a lot of Stuff!

Maybe my post-Christmas wish will involve an addition on the house.

A Special Treat for Santa...

2007-12-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the local paper featured kids letters to Santa. In some cases reading the wish lists of little ones can be heartwarming. Other letters bring to mind two little words 'WRETCHED EXCESS'... But the letter I found most disturbing this year closed with the following promise.

"...And Santa, I promise to leave you some deer jerky and milk."

Not only does deer jerky seem like a BAD idea as an enjoyable treat for Santa, but... It's honestly gotta taste pretty nasty with MILK!

Here's another thought... What if Santa takes a real fancy to 'Deer Jerky'? The result could mean a lack of transportation for the old guy come next Christmas.

***Watch yer back Blitzen, Santa's got a gun and a hankerin' for some jerky!

Nanuk of the North

2007-12-13T04:20:00.000-08:00

During the winter I rarely shave my legs.

I'm under the impression that somehow those sparse, coarse, dark hairs are helping to keep my legs warm.

Seems like a good enough excuse anyway.

Am I Covered?

2007-12-12T10:23:00.000-08:00

Health Insurance is a Good Thing.
All the hoops one has to jump through to insure coverage is a major pain in the ass!

Scouring the Shower

2007-12-04T05:44:00.000-08:00

Frankly, I find it absurd that something designed for cleanliness can get so freaking filthy!

Just get this whole thing Wrapped up, will ya?

2007-12-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

$65 at WalMart for wrapping paper, tissue, ribbons and bows.

An estimated 4-5 hrs. of gift wrapping lay ahead of me. (Once all the gifts are shopped for, that is.)

Once the wrapping is completed ALL gifts MUST be hidden away in a closet or appropriate hidey-hole until Christmas. Then and ONLY then may the gifts be placed under the tree, according to husbands glorious plan.

1/2 hr. to hand out each carefully adorned, expensively wrapped gift and roughly 20 seconds to tear each package open.

For this I should have my head examined.

Perspective

2007-10-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Overheard at a funeral:

"You know Helen, they're hoe'in in our row."

Family Game

2007-10-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

My son has a job, his job is to take out the trash. He's paid a rather hefty allowance for this job. However, seeing as this lofty task was thrust upon him and being a 17 yr. old boy, taking out the trash is rarely if NEVER his first priority... So our family gets to play a little game I like to refer to as 'Trash Can Jenga'... And if you've ever played 'Jenga' you know EXACTLY what I mean.

Bottom of the Stack

2007-10-16T17:00:00.001-07:00

I ALMOST threw out the last post-it note because I figured when I found it later I'd just think it was trash.

Mail Call

2007-10-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

You know I didn't really feel THAT old until I picked up the mail on my birthday, which included letters from:

The American Heart Association
American Diabetes Association
and worst of all...
The Greater Maryland Chapter of Alzheimer's Associates

The first two sent me... You guessed it... Address Labels. As for the Alzheimer's folks, I guess they forgot.

It's all in the name...

2007-10-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying to comprehend the marketing genius that came up with the name 'Sag Harbor' for a line of womens clothes at Sears... Anyone? Anyone?

Is there truly such a place? Would anyone want to say they actually live there?

Just in case there's a marketing department running short of ideas the likes of which the folks at Sears came up with, I'll post a few here:

'FATASS Junction' - Jeans

'Double-bagger' - Headgear

'Monkey Face' - Baby Wear

'Flab-tastic' - Workout Clothing Line

'Sasquatch' - Size 10 and up Footwear
'She-squatch' - Oversize Footwear for Large Women

'Coke-Bottles' - Glasses

'Thunder Thighs' - Queen size nylons

Let's see, can you think of any others?

New Shoes...

2006-09-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

New sneakers always make my toes fall asleep... I hate breaking in new shoes!

Send someone a letter today...

2006-09-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

A handwritten personal letter has become a genuine modern-day luxury, like a childs pony ride.
-Shana Alexander

Memories...

2006-09-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

Back on its golden hinges, the gate of memory swings, and my heart goes into the garden, and walks with the olden things.
- Ellen Wheeler Wilcox

Over The Top.... Always!

2006-09-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

After nearly 23 yrs. together, you think he would've figured out by now that the toilet paper roll should ALWAYS go in with the next sheet lying neatly over the top... nuh huh!

But I guess I should consider myself fortunate that he replaces it at all!

Dude, I know that tune!

2006-09-01T09:05:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that most of todays popular music borrows tunes from popular 80's songs? Either it's proof that todays artists lack imagination... Or... The music from my generation was SO good that they just had to bring it back!

Here's a thought...

2006-08-31T06:41:00.000-07:00

This I found on the blog of 'odat's mumblings' and it made me chuckle...

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

I forgot to take my brain out of my pocket!

2006-08-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

You would think, having lived on both coasts that I would have this time difference thing down to a science... However, even with an internet chart I still can't seem to get it right!

Lack of Motivation...

2006-08-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

It's the days when I have nothing scheduled, that leave me completely without motivation to accomplish any of the things that I complain I don't have time to do when I'm busy.

Green...

2006-08-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

It's a preposterous notion, that a mans worth is measured by how green he can keep his lawn.

Tangible Memories...

2006-08-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

Do you ever think back to the items you owned and treasured as a child and wonder to yourself... When in the heck did I let go of that and where is it now?

Free Time?

2006-08-25T05:28:00.000-07:00

Why does my free time ALWAYS come along at the same time my shower needs a good scrubbing?

I'm Not Psychic!

2006-08-23T05:43:00.000-07:00

If everyone just put stuff back where they got it in the first place... They wouldn't have to keep running to me asking, "Where did it go?"

Mantra

2006-08-22T04:53:00.000-07:00

Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
And start all over again!

Advertising Run Amuck...

2006-08-21T04:53:00.000-07:00

This post from Theory of Thought got me thinking...

Kotex telling women to 'Have a Happy Period'... Is like Prepheration H saying 'Enjoy Your Hemorrhoids'.

Golf Widows...

2006-08-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

This morning I watched a neighbor exit his house... Load his clubs into the back of his own personal golf cart... Climb in and drive down to the end of his street where he entered the cart path that leads straight to the course.

To my husband this would be pure heaven.

To me, it means I'd never see my husband again.

True Story:

2006-08-18T05:17:00.000-07:00

I met a woman last night who introduced herself as 'Jane Ayers' (Airs)...
I couldn't help but wonder if she owned a dairy farm...
And if so...
Would it be referred to as 'Dairy Ayers'?

Eat Me... Drink Me...

2006-08-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

NOT A CHANCE!!!
I've got 20 lbs. to lose before Christmas!

What's in a Name?

2006-08-16T03:59:00.000-07:00

Shouldn't a 'Proctologist' and an 'Endochronologist' change titles?

Overindulgence...

2006-08-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Note to self:
Just because it's a party don't overeat...
You're gonna feel like crap later!

Where does it go?

2006-08-14T13:06:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that 'Creativity' is a fleeting thing... Much like a butterfly... If I chase after it too hard... It flies away, far beyond reach.

However, if I sit quietly... The butterfly perches on the tip of my finger and invites the magic to materialize.

The line forms somewhere back there...

2006-08-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

When things get their busiest I know I'd better hold my breath because 10 more things are waiting in the wings to form a line... Yep, there goes the phone now!

And to think just Yesterday I was bored.

Counting...

2006-08-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

One hundred bottles of beer on the wall... A hundred bottles of beer... Take one down, Pass it around.... 99 bottles of beer on the wall...

What?... I'm bored!

Nature Girl Quote...

2006-08-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

"I have two callapitters... One's name is fuzzy and the others name is Nekid."

- S.B. (My daughter) 6 yrs. old

She Certainly Is...

2006-08-10T04:02:00.000-07:00

"I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but I'm certainly the sharpest."

- http://theoryofthought.blogspot.com

Criticism meets Sarcasm...

2006-08-09T05:19:00.000-07:00

The other night while my husband and I had dinner with friends he said to them, "Margie USED to walk."

"Used to walk?" (I went one week without walking because the heat index was reaching 105 degrees each day!!!... What did he expect?)

I walked Monday morning and at lunch I said to him, "Oh yeah, I was feeling rather nostalgic... So I decided to walk today!"

Not so preposterous...

2006-08-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

When I don't like myself... I find it really difficult to like anyone else.

Readers Digest...

2006-08-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

Because I read the 'Digest' I feel like I've got a handle on everything there is to know about the world.

But I especially like the humor sections.

Glasses...

2006-08-06T09:22:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of any given day I can see just fine... By the end of the day I need reading glasses to look at a book or magazine... I can't believe I'm already so old that my eyes get tired.

Heavy Reading...

2006-08-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

When I read the obituaries in the newspaper I'm always a little disappointed when they don't report the cause of death.

Then I feel disappointed in myself for being nosey about someone elses sorrow.

In Stereo...

2006-08-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

I wonder if when he's home alone Paul McCartney puts on his own cd's and sings along?

Just Swallow it Hole...

2006-08-03T10:04:00.000-07:00

When you've gotta eat a toad you don't want to have to look at that sucker for too long!

I don't know where I heard this quote originally but it's one I've had to remind myself of time and time again... When I HAVE to do that something that I REALLY don't want to do.

Perfection!

2006-08-02T14:46:00.000-07:00

Every summer there seems to be ONE perfect cantaloupe... You know the one from the very first taste.

Today was the day of the perfect cantaloupe... Now I've gotta wait a whole year for another one.

The Letter "B"

2006-08-01T11:27:00.000-07:00

On the whole BLOGS can be either 'Brilliant' or 'Boring'... Perhaps that's what the 'B' stands for.

Accountability

2006-07-31T09:27:00.000-07:00

When it comes to dieting, why is it that making myself accountable just isn't good enough?

Frankenstein?

2006-07-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

Cousin Cathy C. says:
We each create our own Frankensteins and are therefore responsible for our own nightmares.

I'm still letting that particular notion spin around in my head for awhile.